So Goddamned Tired

So goddamn tired
pretending to care
to know
to understand
So goddamn tired
trying to live up to the expectations
of friends
parents
employers
associates
neighbors and
other more abstract acquaintances
Do you remember
when it was just about
moving, breathing
seeing, hearing
about living, laughing, loving
sleeping, eating
just being
being
being?
Memories of sunshine and grass
and air
Beautiful air unfettered
moving over me
through me
somehow carrying me with it
Refreshing my expression
with each gentle nudge
Like the planet's own
Mona Lisa smile
And now the great responsibility
of being an adult
the big, final it
that was once dangled
before my maggot eyes
like the golden promise
has turned out to be
Overrated
Overhyped
Overemphasized
Overdone
And all I'm left with
at this realization
of dissatisfaction
with the hard shore of reality
upon which I've grounded my hull
is a feeling
of utter
failure

cae 2005