Facing Facts

It has occurred to me that
I’ll never be as smart as Stephen Hawking,
as funny as Eric Idle,
or as good a musician as Andres Segovia

I am aware that
I’ll never design a building as singular as Antoni Gaudi,
be as clever a writer as Franz Kafka,
or in as good of shape as Arnold Schwartzenegger

I’m forced to admit that
I’ll never be as motivated as Frank Zappa,
produce a photograph as interesting as Man Ray,
or organize my house as efficiently as Martha Stewart

Despite any efforts I make
I’ll never direct a film as well as Stanley Kubrick,
be as innovative as Nikola Tesla,
nor as fascinating as Michael Jackson’s dwindling nose

One has only to look at me to see that
I’ll never be as good a poet as William Shakespeare,
as strong a leader as Winston Churchill,
or as handsome as Sean Connery

It has become obvious that
I’ll never comprehend conflict with the wisdom of Sun Tzu,
be as helpfully observant as Nicolas Copernicus,
nor fill out a pair of boxers as completely as John Holmes

It goes without saying that
I’ll never draw as well as Edward Gorey,
have the endless vision of Leonardo Da Vinci,
nor the marksmanship of Lee Harvey Oswald

People have informed me that
I’ll never sing with the power of Luciano Pavarotti
be as selfless as Gandhi,
nor look as good naked as Halle Barry

I must come clean and reveal that
I’ll never understand life as well as Socrates,
be as athletic as Michael Jordan,
or satisfy as many women as Hugh Hefner

All available evidence suggests that
I’ll never be as successful as Bill Gates,
as courageous as Helen Keller,
nor as influential as Adolf Hitler

It has been brought to my attention that
I’ll never be as effective an orator as Abraham Lincoln,
as good a composer as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart,
nor have tits as huge as Dolly Parton’s

I must confess that
despite the unending depth of my mediocrity,
I’ll never quit trying, and only occasionally become
very, very depressed.

cae 2-22-04